treats flash




meet yer treatsies – introducing boris aka STAR CHEF

in this installment of the treats gang famous treats series we have boris portnoy, our very own beloved star chef!  ya gotta watch a silly ad for a few seconds before you get to see our star chef in action, enjoy!

How to Make Pumpkin Pie with Boris Portnoy

By Meredith Arthur and Eric Slatkin

Pastry chef Boris Portnoy gives new life to a Thanksgiving cliché. Generic, canned pumpkin pie mix plus freezer-burned pie crust equals fake smiles on the faces of your friends and families. Real smiles come from choosing your own pumpkin—there are many heirloom varieties to pick from—and then customizing and experimenting as you go, using Portnoy’s recipe as a guide. You’ll find that the result is better than you imagined possible.
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boris portnoy star chef famous treats gang

bargain treat hunting in SF

since its obvious I am in this moped gang called TREATS gang and we like to eat TREATS it was with great excitement today I discovered this website that was having a sale and their coupon code was, um, “treats”.  In keeping with the great spirit o treats and eating ourselves into comas, this existence on affordable moped parts and succulent tasty treats at inconceivable prices, I have to admit I really like coupons and sales.  If you’ve shopped at this store, oh whats it called? or something? you’ll know we like coupons, discounts, deals, sales, bargains and anything else even remotely similar.  so while I am hesitant to inform you cause this treatin scam does have its numerous lines of fine print, I felt it my duty to reveal a secret of fine treatin in SF. lets say for instance you wanted to go to the roosevelt tamale parlor for lunch with your lover, because oh my the treats there are amazing, but ya got no cash? or maybe you want a senegalese feast? or a sumptuous afghan banquet to remind you of long ago unrequited love…here is my advice to you, go to this website, find this aforementioned tamale parlor, buy a $15 coupon for $10, use the coupon code “treats”  which is an 80% off coupon (b quick) and watch that $10 turn to $2. note its for lunch only, and minimum purchase of $15 (don’t forget to tip dummies). so run yer bill up to $15 on treats,no liquors girls, and you’ll pay $7+tip. and there you have a delicious half price treat fest.  be careful of all the fine print, don’t click on anything funny (use paypal for safety), and be alert, like yer on a battlefield or running a pyramid scheme or makin a deal for 2000 fake rolex watches in an alley off 6th st at 3am with some zombies.  Then you have a happy lover, a full belly, more money to spend on moped parts and well the day seems a little sunnier doesn’t it all of a sudden. if ya fuck it up, yer a sucker.  myself I stocked up on like $200 worth of coupons to take all my lovers and friends and stuff them for like $17. score.  there’s like a million lame restaurants, a few dreamy ones n be quick cause the 80% coupon won’t last for long n read the fine print again ya? or else.  not a coupon for treatland, but a coupon for treats this week my loves.  happy treating my sf darlings. oh i guess elsewhere to, and again don’t blame me if ya get scammed, my belly will be full and i don want ya to kill my high.  man i love coupons, i have the hugest stack for rainbow 20% off yeahh!  ok maybe a real treatland coupon someday again, one day perhaps, in the meantime prepare for a brief missive and photo fun from rufus and enjoy this photo of what treat gnomes do at night.

late night lost wanderings n my daughter n chain and the gang yeahhhhh!!!

last nights late night walking lost wanderings and meanderins led us down some dark alleys n bottles of whiskey to see chain and the gang at thee parkside. my “daughter” treats ganger for life sarah pedal is on tour singin vocals with ian svenonius, n i guess the rest of the band is made up of jailbirds, convicts, captives, culprits, the accused… yeahhh so sick. i love my daughter, treats ganger sarah pedal. yay pedal i missed you.

toooooo good for any words except for svenonius’ himself …………………….. “Everywhere that liberty goes, it leaves a path of destruction. Fast food, bad architecture, materialism, rampant greed, environmental destruction, imperial conquest, class struggle; these phenomena, when combined, seem to be synonymous with “Liberty.” So just as it’s called “liberty” when war and greed stalk the land, Ian Svenonius calls his band Chain and the Gang. Like a true chain gang, they’re on the road to confront and defy any freedom-lovers that come across their path. They shuffle, manacled, across railway yards, and through graveyards; they’re on the side of the road, picking up the garbage as they walk, as people drive by, yelling at them. All they can do is become a chorus of metal meeting metal, hands hitting hands and a collective voice louder than one. It started with one lifer (Svenonius) and grew to include a gang of small time bandits with Calvin Johnson, Brett Lyman (Bad Thoughts), Sarah Pedal, Faustine Hudson (The Curious Mystery), Brian Weber (Dub Narcotic Sound System), Veronica Ortuño (Finally Punk), Nicolaas Zwart (Desolation Wilderness), Karl Blau, Lizet Ortuño, Chris Sutton (Hornet Leg), Sixx (The Vibrarians), Arrington de Dionyso, Aaron Hartman and Benjamin Hartman (Old Time Relijun). How do they describe their sound? Something they just found. They dug it up from the ground. Essential to that soil: guitar, drums, organ, saxophone and chants; paying off our collective debt to the universe. There are songs with a driving locomotive engine (“Reparations,” “Interview with the Chain Gang”), a full-on choir of the disenfranchised (“Cemetery Map,” “Deathbed Confession,” Trash Talk”) and disentangled, soul-influenced invitations to a celebration (“Room 19” and “Unpronounceable Name”). Down With Liberty … Up With Chains is simple and profound, the way a pebble on the beach is. There are no song cycles, sample beats, sequencers or baby pictures of the artist as a tot. The Gang is set to shuffle across the Land of Liberty in Spring 2009. Join them as they hope against hope, fan the flames, shake their fist and say “Yeh! Yeh! Down with Liberty! Up with Chains … Put those handcuffs on my hands.”

treats gang OG stylee for real

better believe it or you won’t believe the next entry when we blow up your minds. or maybe it will be later this week cause I just made the next entry and it isn’t that mind blowing.  but later this week. get ready girlz.  any guesses?

a flipper song I listen to a lot at work

Ever live a life that’s real
Full of zest, but no appeal
Ever want to cry so much
You want to die
Ever feel that you’ve been had
Had so much that you turn mad
Ever been depressed that
(to) those you turn to, you bring distress
Ever sit in tormenting silence
That turns so loud, you start to scream
Ever take control of a dream
And play all the parts and set all the scenes
Ever do nothing and gain nothing from it
Ever feel stupid and then know that you really are
Ever think you’re smart and then find out you aren’t
Ever play the fool and then find out that you’re worse
Ever look at a flower and hate it
Ever see a couple
kissing and get sickened by it
Ever wish the human race didn’t exist
And then realize you’re one too
Well, have you … ever .. I have
So What

not the same song but oh well I listen to flipper as much as I can except when roofie tries to make me listen to his rave.

a quote “This, in brief, was the band’s concept: to be bad in ways that no band had ever been bad before. Causing some to later label Flipper as “Limp Dick Core” or, “music to fail at having sex to. However, in true Flipper fashion, they even failed to fail, and their audience continued to grow as their outlandish approach appealed to those seeking something different.”

this video was filmed in the tenderloin in the early 80s, loin yeahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! treats of the loin!!!!

RIP will shatter

in a good way everything. nothing but excitement at HQ this week.

in other bizarre treats musical news treats gang found themselves at the most ammmmmaazzzzing show on saturday night in la at part time punks the freakin silver apples and homosexuals, what the fuck. like a dream. midway thru the homosexuals show the words “TREATS” and “TREATS FOR LIFE” came out of the pa, amazing, how did this happen? hmm. suspicious. before the show we spent life half an hour talking to bruno of the homosexuals, giving him a treats cupcake pin and receiving this amazing blast of inspirational spik, we were enlightened, nothing less. thanks bruno for taking the time to talk to us. we were blastin back full throttle down sunset ridin doubles near death and stopped there. i still can’t believe the show. so unbelievable. the night before we ended up lost waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up in the hills of la somewhere I have no idea where until 5 in the AM at a house party the homosexuals and this as of yet unnamed band played. we made sure to stay till the end of the night and finish all the liquor we could find. it was ridiculous. memories to treasure forever. and ever. all night. long. sleep, ha. stoney fest 09 is in the works, be ready, sponsored by either T.R.E.A.T.S. or no. (thats a store retardos). the night is young 5am or is the morning early?